on desperation

hey.
i'm just trying to make it through the day.
clever lines, and wise saying escape my thoughts,
the ability to put words together abd make them flow in such an ensnaring way has evaded me.
i'm tired.

i hope your life is getting better.

On Sunshine

it's about time. these feelings are starting to go away. this is the first time i've been optimistic since the dawn of this year. my only regret is that i don't have a testimony to go with it. a testimony saying all about how i leaned on His strength, and He got me through. or even how i made it through on will power alone.
but i am weak, and i did neither of those.
the only reason Yahweh didn't answer any of my prayers is because i haven't prayed any. the only reason i haven't prayed is because i know he turns a deaf ear to the prayers of the wicked.
yes, i am wicked. all sin makes us all wicked, evil people.
there is one prayer He always hears though.

i truly believe Yahweh works in peoples lives, wicked as they may be, to give them as many second chances as possible.
i think it's time i should change.

'Don't give up, it's not the end,
There's hope for every fallen man,
To pick themselves up when they think they can,
Because with every passing second comes a second chance.'

on these feelings

i haven't been myself lately. i just, i just want, and long for everything all the time. i'm not happy. nothing makes sense, and it's not getting any better.
writing doesn't help.
these songs don't help.
my friends don't help.


it's enough to make me think desperately.


my social life isn't what i want it to be.
my education isn't what i want it to be.
nothing is right.

On Music

i realize that I've never said an original thing.
we all fall into line, and no one can win.
time moves to fast when life is perfect,
and it digs in its nails and stays long past its welcome when everything is horrible.

why do you suppose that is?
why do you suppose I have to go through these feelings?

they're enough to make me desperate.

On hot tea and cold nights

I'm reading Showdown. I'm alone in my room. I have some very delicious tea, and the window is open. I can hear the cars racing down the high way. They never stop, even into the wee hours of the morning. The only thing that could make this moment more perfect is if I had someone close that I love to share it with.

'If only one of you had followed me, the heavens would not have been able to contain my cries of joy.'


thus saith the lord.


goodnight.

On the new year

it's going to be new.
hopefully it will be better then this year has been.
hopefully you will be spending your New Year with people you love.
They exist, I promise.


my new year.
wow, 2009.

On Writers Block.

I've written 8 different messages, and I just can't seem to get anything down correctly.
Oh well.
It's time again.